Frying the hair on the bacons head

After doing some work for a band, they had their album launch party, which myself and a few others went along to. It was a good night, good music, lots of people hoping to see the lead singer, who hid at the VIP bar with the rest of the band.

Their manager came out and told us to go and join them backstage, which we did.

As we entered the room, all the 'celebs' hid in dark corners. We had a few drinks and the lead singer 'H' came over to say hello.

At the end of the chat he turned around to me saying, 'Go out the back door and follow the candles'.

I did this, following a line of candles for a minute until a reached a little huddle of people, standing round a barrel, surrounded by candles. Could I have magically of entered a Detroit tramps crack den? As I got closer I saw the rest of the band, with a few of their friends, a couple of TV/Radio hosts and a lot of coke.

'Alright mate....want some?' The drummer asked.

'Of course I shall.' I replied digging my nose into the mound.

After doing a bit, I looked round, passing my note to 'B'. 'Alright.' I told him.

'Thanks.' He replied, getting it ready.

'You did that show didn't you? The one with....'

'Yeah.' He replied.

'What happened to it?'

'Got cancelled.'

'Shame. I quite liked that.'

'Thanks.' He nodded, putting note to nose and bending down. As he did so, a candle in front of him caught a wisp of his hair and as he snorted and rose, the flame rose with him, causing a burning mohawk to appear on his head. We all stopped watching him in amazement, nobody really understanding that at any moment he would either have no hair, or be running into the main room, screaming and on fire.

He lookes round, wondering why we were all staring at him. The drummer quickly came to his senses, putting the flame out by hitting him on the head repeatedly.

We all took a moment to take in  what had happened, before laughing and seeing the bizarre burnt streak of hair he now had. As we all got on to do some more, 'J' walked in a well known cock of TV. He walked over to my friend and asked. 'Got any coke I can have?'

My friend looked at him, lifting an eyebrow. 'Shouldn't you have some of your own?' She asked.

'Never buy any myself.' He replied.

'You stingy fuck, you're loaded.'

He shrugged. 'Yes i am. Can I have some?'

She shrugged. 'I suppose.'

He did his lines. 'Thanks'.

'No worries'. She told him, looking him up and down. 'You really are a cock.' She suddenly came out with.

'Thank you,' he replied chirpily.

I looked on a bit stunned by the conversation as a woman came running into the room. 'I just touched Brian May's hair!!!'

Sounds like fun I thought, deciding to go back to the bar and try to do the same myself, in which I am proud to say, I did succeed.

The Next Tom Cruise - Really????

Whilst working on a film, an ex model was cast as the main 'stud' in the film. 

The director said he was going to be bigger than Tom Cruise, and I'm sure he would have been if he could act.

'D', the actor was arrogant as hell, trying to sleep with all the costume department and any woman he saw, failing everytime.

Towards the end of the shoot, he and the Director started to fall out as he would ad lib badly the whole time. After one take he walked off set, quickly followed by the director and the crew were told to take 5 minutes off.

At the end of the break, we were all called back onto set, where we waited for the director and star, who didn't turn up, so I was sent to find them.

Eventually after five minutes of walking around, checking trailers and production offices, I heard raised voices from a room behind the set. I walked closer, putting my ear to the door.

'You're a fucking asshole', 'D' screamed at the director.

'I don't give a fuck, if you undermine me again in front of everyone....'

As I listened my walkie went off, 'You found them yet?' the A.D asked.

'Yeah, but I think you should come and deal with this.'

The A.D raced over to where I was as crashes could be heard from inside. As the door was opened, 'D' was taking a swing at him, shirt halfway off as the Director looked like he was going to grapple the 'star'.

We stopped for the day after that.

I heard that when it came to ADR the film, they did get into a fight, taking swings at each other.

'D' from what I see, went on to not do much, mostly TV and the director went on to make one more film, before everyone realised he was a talentless hack after all.

Fear the Famous one

Whilst leaving a crappy members club in London with some friends, we hit the button for the lift and waited, watching the various people standing around, wanting to be seen, old women trying to look young and hitting on anything under 40, bankers trying to do the same.....

The lift opened and we were confronted by a 'cool' man arms outstetched across the opening of the lift.

'You can't come in here.....' He told us as a woman stumbled in the background of the lift.

'Why not?' we asked.

'You just can't, we're going down.'

'So are we.' We replied, pushing our way past him, much to his annoyance.

Once in the lift, we pushed the button to get down and the lady turned to look at us, who it turned out was a singer with attitude (or so she thinks).

'I'm famous.' She told us.

We looked at each other, eyes wide with amusement, not believing as drunk as she was that she had just said this as she seemed to realise what she had just said herself.

'You're what?!' My friend said.

'I can't believe you said that!!!'

We started to laugh at her as she smiled and shrugged it off, trying to make herself look good again. After a the lift slowly let us out of the club and we had had all the fun we could of taking the piss out of her we left, sure in the knowledge that she would be telling someone else pretty soon of how famous she was.